I’m Too Short To Date: Statistically Speaking
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Attempting to form and maintain romantic relationships has never been easy for me. Might I add…I am 48.
Only to tell her that while no, dating is by no means fair, there are different but just as good options worth considering in dating or outside of dating. It is so funny to me that my 9-to-10-year relationship doesn't count but their 6-month marriage does -- or their serial marriages, in some cases! I still agree with Evan that an older guy who has his own kids would probably be a pleasant surprise in terms of being a better match.
I’m Too Short To Date: Statistically Speaking - Good guys want to help you, not use you.
Some daily tasks are just plain difficult when you live on your own. There's no handy husband and you often run the risk of being ripped off by workmen you hire. When you have to move or lift things, you have to call someone for help. It has to be planned, not spontaneous. You also have to lean on friends for a ride to or from some doctors' appointments -- a colonoscopy buddy. I'm worn out being the initiator in my business, in parenting, on the home front, and for the whole personal side of my life. Despite the fact that my parents are retired and in good health, they have always expected me to use my limited vacation time to travel to them for the holidays or other visits, even when I have had better accommodations for a visitor than they do. I crave the opportunity to entertain my family in my house, to show them that I can cook, decorate for the holidays, and be a good hostess. I don't get it. We enjoy each other's company -- who else are we supposed to spend time with? I remember being invited to a wedding of a colleague and being seated with her grandparents and their friends because there were 'no other single women there' when I would have much preferred to be with young couples. It reminds me that I don't bring the requisite male to the mix, therefore mess up the balance. Why can't the three of us go to dinner? I am not sure why inviting a single person is perceived as throwing off the party. And at times when I have been in a relationship, it is amazing how much more I was included in social events. Since you're not friends with my ex, why did you stop inviting us over or accepting requests for family plans? Why can't a married family still make plans with a divorced family? Girlfriends, know that I rely on your friendships Time and again, single women describe the added importance of their female friendships in their lives. Please know how important you are to me. When I hear about mature women who get a man and just drop their friends, it's a tough pill for me to swallow. Now I have to admit that when I was in my early 20s, I thought I was in love and I neglected my best friend, Carol. Thank God Carol was still there when I came back, tail between my legs. She never said anything about it but I vowed that I would never drop a friend like that again. It sucks to have women who were once your friends decide that you are suddenly the devil because you are not with their husband's bestie. One of them actually told me that we could still be friends as long as I didn't bring up all of the 'garbage. I told her to fuck off. It is so funny to me that my 9-to-10-year relationship doesn't count but their 6-month marriage does -- or their serial marriages, in some cases! Just because I'm single and 50 doesn't mean I'm desperate and will date anyone Many, but not all, women who are single in midlife would like to be in a relationship and do enjoy dating. These women appreciate being set up by their friends but resent it when the bar is set too low. When I don't act interested in the guy they describe as an alcoholic, someone who has weird social skills, the devoutly religious man of a different religion than mine, the guy who is nice but a little slow, or the one who poisons squirrels in his back yard, they think I am being picky. My well-meaning elderly neighbor suggested that I should act dumb on the first few dates to attract a man, as I apparently scare them off with my immense intellect! If I was not attracted to a type of guy before, what makes you think that will suddenly change just because I'm over 40? I value honest, friendly, and nonjudgmental people in my life. I am a professional and would like to be with a professional partner, but if I don't feel the right vibe, all of what he is or has does not matter. My future is no worse than yours -- there are no guarantees in life The women I interviewed have pretty realistic perspectives on the future. I don't think so as I think I'm just entering my prime years, but I sometimes wonder. Yes, sometimes I think about what will happen if I age and lose my capacities but it is what it is and, if you prepare things properly and have someone who can be your advocate and executor, you don't have to worry. But there is nothing that you can do in your younger years that will absolutely guarantee that you will have a man when you're in your 50s, or that he will be around for the long run. I always wish new couples a long and wonderful life together, but please don't be cocky because nothing is guaranteed. Please believe me when I say it: I am okay Women who are single in midlife want the rest of us to know that, despite life's normal ups and downs, they are doing just fine. As a single older woman, I want acceptance, not suspicion or assumptions. I am not damaged goods. I am not sad. I am not a reject. That smile you see on my face is genuine. I get to decide how the money is managed, what bills get paid off first, what school or summer camp is appropriate for my child. There are no differences of opinion, no debates, and no accommodations to be made. My single life is very productive and busy. I'll admit, there are times it would be nice to have a second set of hands around the house or around me, and someday I may meet someone who I want to spend my life with, but for now I am enjoying my decision-making freedom immensely. Being financially independent means that I do not 'need' a man in my life to survive, but should I decide I 'want' a man in my life, there is no pressure to prove myself or my worth; either you enjoy my company or you don't. I have been married and lonely and, believe me, that is much worse than being single, independent, and free. And now that I am beyond the 'baby years,' I am actually pretty much ok with it and wonder if marriage is even one of my goals anymore. If I had married any of the men I thought I wanted to marry, I am pretty sure I would be divorced now anyway. I am happy with the life I have built and am lucky to be able to afford most things that I want on one income. As my nest empties, I see endless possibilities in my next chapter. I am unencumbered by a spouse's work life. I feel like a freshman in college again. The world is my oyster! Being married does not give you the right to be insensitive It's amazing what people feel they can say to women who are single in midlife. I was greeted with 'How could that be? I feel lucky that my girlfriends look at me as the whole person that they know me to be and judge me solely on that, not on any narrow-minded definitions of single women over 40. One time, when my son had a new friend sleep over for the first time, the mom, who knew I was single and living alone, said, 'You don't have any boyfriends sleeping over, do you? I can't let my son sleep over if you do. And they certainly don't want our pity. Then come the kids; some of my friends tell me what to get their kids, even when I don't ask. And do I ever get a gift? Once and for all, I'm not after your husband Admittedly, the most shocking finding from these interviews was how often this apparent issue came up. So, all you married ladies, rest assured, most middle-aged single ladies are NOT flirting with your husbands. Here is just a sampling of what I heard... I wish my married friends understood I don't want their spouses even if I appreciate spending time with them. I wish they understood that you can be friends with men and not threaten their marriage. I honor your marriage and your friendship. Not all of us are trolling. We are busy raising our children and looking for our own Mr. Sure, there are exceptions, but don't automatically assume I can't be trusted when I chat with your husband at the intramural game. Rest assured we chat pleasantly and I make sure to mention you often. Are we all so different? I am trying every day to be a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good granddaughter. I am working on myself, fighting my demons, winning sometimes, losing sometimes. I am a woman just like you. If you absolutely must partake, at least go with the very best. Check out this taste test of 9 popular brands of cheese puffs.
The Crush Song lyrics
But I am alone. Glad you so much for this. Also afraid to talk to my parents, as they are a bit judgemental. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 10. Additionally, it's best to spend time alone at this point, so hold off on doing activities with lots of friends. Prime that certainly explains why our parents, grandparent, aunts and uncles had it much easier at the time, and many of them are still together as i speak. I got rejected so many times. It can be a daily struggle. Nothing makes me happier than for the people I care about the most share life with their special someone.
